


someone inside your heart

by etherealanything



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Criminal Minds (US TV) Season/Series 02, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Multi, POV Multiple, Pining, Polyamory, Recovery, Rivals to Lovers, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealanything/pseuds/etherealanything
Summary: Emily Prentiss is new to the BAU, looking to make a good impression. Jennifer Jareau is trying to move on, but fears the past may be catching up to her. Elle Greenaway is trying to make sense of who she’s become and who she wants to be.When Emily joins the BAU during Elle's leave of absence, sparks fly, in several senses. Elle and Emily can’t seem to get along, while Emily and JJ find themselves drawn to each other even as JJ and Elle try to rekindle their relationship.Can the three of them learn to work together, or will the tension tear them all apart?
Relationships: Elle Greenaway/Emily Prentiss, Elle Greenaway/Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss/Elle Greenaway
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> criminal minds is the property of cbs; if i owned it, we wouldn't be getting a reboot for at least another decade.
> 
> thanks to abbie and leah for beta-ing and to andy for being the co-leader of the jemelle ship and giving me this idea in the first place. y'all are the best <3 this is gonna be a long one, so please buckle your seatbelts, keep your arms and legs within the vehicle, and enjoy the show

**August.**

Aaron Hotchner knew something was awry when Erin Strauss approved his latest request for funds with a simple wave of her hand. It was never that easy. There should have been paperwork, several rounds of meetings, and then even more paperwork. That was how things worked at the Federal Bureau of Investigation, for better and for worse.

But Aaron also knew better than to count his blessings. They were all still recovering from the damage the Fisher King had wrought, none more than Elle. He could see it in the way her eyes darted at the smallest sound, knew it would take a long time before she felt safe again. She still had a few weeks before she was due to be back, but he privately doubted whether even that was a good idea. He had figured Strauss had recognized that fact as well and had granted them some leeway as a result.

All things considered, the arrival of Emily Prentiss early one morning took him mostly by surprise. He didn’t know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn’t this. Even down one field agent, his team had been doing perfectly well. They all missed Elle, but, as far as Aaron had noticed, none of them had let it affect their performance. If Aaron had a list of requests for the higher-ups, having an extra agent would be somewhere behind getting a new coffee machine.

Of course, the problem was that Aaron didn't get to make requests. So when Emily Prentiss showed up, bright-eyed and with a mandate straight from Erin Strauss, he couldn’t do anything but shake her hand and welcome her to the team.

“Thank you, sir,” she said, gripping his hand slightly tighter than was probably necessary. She was enthusiastic, he’d give her that.

Aaron decided then that this new addition might be just what the team needed. They didn’t need a new agent, but they could all use a little optimism, a fresh perspective.

“Just Hotch is fine,” he said. “Can I help you with your box?”

She refused, though it was clearly heavy. Aaron, recognizing all too well her resistance to accepting help, nodded and led her to the bullpen, giving her the tour on the way down. 

“Agent Gideon’s office is here,” he said, gesturing to the office next to her. The door was open, but Gideon was working, so they walked past without an introduction.

Making a right after Gideon’s office, they descended the stairs. The other agents had begun to take notice of their guest, but Aaron paid them no mind. When they reached the first floor, he pointed at another door, this one closed. “Agent Jareau handles our incoming requests and deals with the media.”

Emily nodded, taking it all in with no small amount of wonder. Aaron let a smile hover at the edges of his lips. He remembered being awed the first time he visited the BAU. The profilers of the FBI had been the kind of legends he could believe in.

When the two of them arrived at the edge of the bullpen, Aaron came to a stop, feeling Emily halt by his side. 

“Everyone, this is Emily Prentiss. She’s going to be joining us for a little while.” He wasn’t actually sure how long she was supposed to stay, but Emily didn’t try to correct him. 

“Hello,” she said, lifting up her hand in greeting. “It’s lovely to meet you all.”

“Emily, this is Agent Morgan, Dr. Reid, and our tech analyst Penelope Garcia.” The three of them waved in turn, though they didn’t look particularly enthused by the idea of a new agent. 

Morgan shot Aaron a look that seemed to say ‘What’s really going on?’ In response, Aaron gestured slightly at Strauss’s office. Morgan’s eyes opened slightly wider as he took in this new information, before motioning Emily over to join them.

She approached them cautiously, turning back to look at him as she went. Aaron gave her a quick nod and took that as his cue to leave, doubling back to JJ’s office. 

He knocked crisply on the door, waiting for her ‘come in’ before pushing the door open. Her room was dimly lit, though her desk lamp was on. Aaron realized she had the shutters pulled down, obscuring the light from the bullpen. She didn’t look up as he entered, moving her pen quickly across the page.

“JJ, I just wanted to let you know that we have a new agent joining us.” Her head snapped up at his words, pen stilling.

“Has something happened to Elle?” Her voice was insistent, though she looked tired, dark circles around her eyes. Aaron hadn’t been lying when he said the team hadn’t let their performance drop, but their insistence on carrying on had taken a toll.

“No, nothing like that,” Aaron reassured her. He hesitated for a moment, before opting for the full truth. If there was anyone he could trust, it was JJ. “I wasn’t informed she was going to be joining us, but I will make sure that Elle is not replaced without her consent.”

JJ nodded, visibly relaxing, though the worry didn’t fade completely from her face. Aaron knew that she and Elle had been– were close, and her absence had been weighing particularly heavily on JJ. He had caught her staring into nothingness several times during meetings, her eyes suspiciously red-rimmed. If there was something he could have done, he would have offered, but Aaron suspected time would be the only remedy.

“What’s her name?” JJ asked, peeling a sticky note off of her pad.

“Emily Prentiss,” he told her, watching as she jotted it down. “I hope that she’ll prove to be a positive addition to our team.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise the next chapter won't be in hotch's pov- just needed a little exposition!


	2. emily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief content warning for canon-typical description of a case

Emily Prentiss was beginning to think that she might have been misled about the nature of her placement at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. When Chief Strauss had offered her the position, Emily had been led to believe that she would fit in well with the rest of the team. 

At present, she and one-half of said team were standing awkwardly in the bullpen, and none of them seemed especially glad to see her. After introductions, there had been a stilted silence. Morgan had tried to make small talk about how awful the traffic had been, but both Reid and Garcia had glared at him until he shut up. Emily wouldn’t exactly classify that as a great start.

It was just as well, though, since she was also required to report directly on their performance to Strauss. As long as they could develop a working relationship, she could carry out that duty.

So Emily stuck on her brightest smile and waited patiently until they returned to their desks (or in Garcia's case, her office). Then, she gestured at the empty desk that remained.

“Is this my desk?” she asked. Reid spluttered.

“That’s Elle’s desk,” Morgan said mildly, though she couldn’t help but suspect that he and Reid wouldn’t hesitate to physically block her from sitting down if necessary. “Yours is over there.”

Emily followed his finger to an empty desk on the other side of the bullpen. With a sigh, she shouldered her bag and made her way over there, giving both Reid and Morgan a polite nod as she passed by. 

She set her box and bag down on the desk, beginning to unpack what she had brought with her. Her laptop, a couple pens, some folders, and a mug were the bulk of it. Emily had few items of sentimental value, and none of them were ones she wanted to bring to work. 

Having finished arranging her desk, she sat down in the desk chair, turning on her desktop monitor with a firm press of the button. Part of her wanted to go back over to Morgan and Reid and try to start off on the right foot, but the rest of her said to stay put. Her admittedly-not-very-refined profiling skills told her that her arrival wasn’t the only thing putting them in a bad mood.

Instead, she surfed the internet for a few minutes, unsure of what to do next. She didn’t want to be the newbie who hung around asking obvious questions, but neither did she want to seem aloof and cold. Despite her better instincts, she was considering finding Garcia’s office and introducing herself properly. Luckily, she was saved from having to do that by Hotch.

“Everyone, conference room,” he said as he strode past the bullpen. 

Morgan and Reid jumped out of their seats and Emily followed suit, trailing a cautious distance behind.

When they reached the conference room, Emily took the seat beside Garcia, giving her a polite nod. A man she recognized as Jason Gideon sat down on her other side, giving her a firm handshake as she introduced herself. Emily restrained the part of her that wanted to gush endlessly about his work; she’d heard he didn’t take well to fangirls.

Hotch hovered at the edges of the meeting but didn’t seem inclined to call them to order just yet. There were still two empty chairs at the table: one she assumed was for Elle, whoever she might be, and the other for the Agent Jareau that Hotch had mentioned previously.

As if on cue, a woman appeared in the doorway. She offered a weak smile as she apologized for her lateness, and Emily would be lying if she said that her heart didn’t flutter a little at the sight. The woman was the picture of innocence, her blonde hair coming to rest just below her shoulders and her cardigan perfectly coordinating with her shirt.

The woman chose one of the remaining chairs, placing her files on the table in front of her as she sat down. At that moment, Hotch finally began the meeting and Emily reluctantly turned her attention back to him.

“Everyone, this is Emily Prentiss,” he said, gesturing at her. She waved in what she hoped was a friendly way. “You’ve already met Reid, Morgan, and Garcia, but these are Agents Gideon and Jareau.”

“Please, call me JJ,” she said. This time the radiance of her smile was directed solely at Emily. It was almost too much to handle.

“Emily. It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Emily replied, speaking mostly to JJ. There was something utterly captivating in the way she spoke, her words sweet but sincere. They had an undercurrent of weariness though, something that seemed all the more obvious when JJ’s smile dropped. 

Hotch interrupted her train of thought. “JJ, you have a case for us, correct?” JJ stood up, grabbing the projector remote on her way to the front of the room.

“Two days ago, local police in Annapolis found a body that they identified as Heather Watkins.” She pointed the remote at the screen and the slide changed to show two pictures of Heather. In one, she was smiling for the camera, her curly hair falling in her eyes. The other was of her lifeless body. Her head had been shaved and all the spark in her eyes was gone. Emily swallowed thickly.

“They’ve connected it to a series of murders, dating back three months, all with the same MO. No sexual assault, no signs of torture, but they were all killed by strangulation and all had their heads shaved.” There were murmurs from various corners as the team began to put forth ideas. 

Her part of the job done, JJ seemed to slump slightly, running a hand through her hair. She made her way back to her chair, then sat down, resting her hand on her forehead. Emily watched her with concern. She had no frame of reference for what JJ was usually like, but her exhaustion was obvious. The others paid no attention to JJ’s behavior, so they either didn’t notice or had gotten used to it.

“Strangulation indicates intimacy,” Morgan said. “He wanted to watch them die up-close.”

“It seems likely that he has a history of domestic abuse,” Spencer added. “Near-death strangulation is an often-overlooked aspect of domestic violence.”

“Garcia, look at domestic abusers in the area,” Hotch directed. “Start with ones who were recently convicted but didn’t go to jail, or who were released around that same time period. Something happened three months ago.”

“On it, sir.” The sound of her furious typing soon filled the air.

Hotch turned to her next. “Prentiss?”

Emily jolted, embarrassed to have been caught staring at JJ. She turned her head to look at him, searching her brain for something to say.

“Um– well– shaving their heads means he’s probably trying to make them look like someone. Maybe the woman he originally abused?” Hotch nodded, satisfied.

“We’ll be on the road in fifteen,” he said. The team clearly regarded this as their cue to leave, getting up from their chairs and exiting the room. Emily watched JJ go, her form seeming resigned even from a distance. It was strange how a person could make such an impression on her, given how they had barely spoken.

In the hallway, she passed by Penelope and Spencer, huddled together in conversation.

“She’s replacing Elle,” Emily couldn't help but overhear Penelope whispering. “I hate her.”

Emily’s heart sank; Garcia hadn’t been nice to her so far, but she had been hoping they could be friends. In a place with as many men as the FBI, it was simply a smart move to befriend the few women that a person saw every day. Plus, if Garcia’s eclectic style was any indication, she was probably an interesting person to know in her own right.

“She’ll probably only be around for a little while anyways.” Spencer said. “Elle will be back soon.”

He sounded as if he didn’t quite believe what he was saying, but Penelope seemed happy enough to accept that answer. Emily moved past them, trying to ignore the way they flinched as they realized she had been close enough to hear them.

In ten minutes, Emily was ready to go, having reviewed the case notes in more detail and jotted down some notes. She slung the strap of her messenger bag over her shoulder, making her way to the parking lot. Although the BAU apparently had their own private jet, Annapolis wasn’t worth flying to. She braced herself for an hour-long drive with people who apparently couldn’t wait to be rid of her.

Thankfully, when she arrived at the parking lot, the only person already there was Morgan. If he disliked her as much as the others, he was doing a much better job of hiding it.

“You’re riding with me,” he said. She breathed a sigh of relief. “You can ride shotgun if you want.”

She climbed into the passenger side of the vehicle and waited for the rest of the team to arrive. Reid got in the back of Morgan’s car, giving her a thin smile when he entered. Hotch got in the driver’s seat of the other vehicle, with Gideon and JJ joining him. There was still no sign of Elle, whoever she might be. Although Emily had hoped she’d get to have a real conversation with JJ sooner rather than later, it was probably for the best, since she had no idea of what she’d say. 

The ride to Annapolis started out silent, but Morgan’s easy chatter soon filled the air. He told Emily about how he’d joined the BAU and she explained to him about why she’d wanted to join. Eventually, even Reid was drawn out of his shell. Emily’s jaw dropped when she heard his credentials. He seemed pleased by her reaction, and she got the impression that he was more used to strangers teasing him for his intelligence than appreciating it.

When they were fifteen minutes away, Emily finally worked up the nerve to ask the question that had been percolating in her all morning. 

“This might be intrusive, but I can’t help but feel like everyone so far has been comparing me to someone else,” she said, clearing her throat. “I really want to start off on a good note, so I have to ask– who exactly is Elle, and why isn’t she here?”

Almost within an instant, the silence returned. Morgan kept his eyes fixed resolutely on the road and Spencer was suddenly very busy looking at the files in his lap. Emily didn’t know why she had expected them to trust her.

“Sorry. Just forget I ever asked.” Her voice came out embarrassingly soft.

Hearing her, Morgan seemed to soften a little, turning to look at her when they pulled up to a red light.

“It’s fine,” he said. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t know. A few months ago, there was a serial killer who set up puzzles with the intention of targeting us. Elle was shot in her own home.”

Emily couldn’t stop the gasp that left her mouth. She knew the hazards of the job, but there was a difference between knowing that in the abstract and knowing that a woman had been shot in her home. If you couldn’t be safe in your own home, could you really be safe anywhere?

“Is she–” _alive_ , she wanted to say, but she couldn’t force the word out. “–doing okay?”

“She’s alive,” Morgan said, and the twist of his lips told her everything else she needed to know. His expression seemed familiar, and when Emily thought about it, she realized he had a similar tiredness to JJ. She ventured another question, knowing this one was probably even more risky.

“I hate to assume, and I have no way of knowing what she’s usually like, but is that why JJ seems so… withdrawn?”

This time it was Reid who answered. “She and Elle were close.”

“How close?” she asked, almost without meaning to, then flushed, fearing she had given too much away. Reid looked poised to answer when Morgan cut in.

“You’d have to ask her that yourself,” he said firmly. Emily nodded, knowing a dismissal when she saw one. She didn’t push the point, figuring she’d exhausted his supply of grace for the day.

The three of them picked the banal chatter up again quickly, and before Emily knew it they had arrived at the Annapolis Police Department headquarters.

At the precinct, Hotch split them into groups: himself and Gideon examining the most recent crime scene, Morgan interviewing the victim’s family, Emily and Reid taking a look at the previous crime scenes, and JJ staying behind to deal with the media. On the short car ride to the first crime scene, Emily tried to imagine what Elle could possibly be like, now that she knew something about the woman.

She had to have been talented to get in the door, but talented in _what_ exactly? Emily imagined she was either career FBI or ex-law enforcement, because, aside from Reid, that was the path all the other FBI agents she’d known had taken. She sat in the bullpen, so she was just a field agent like Emily. Still, there must have been something about her that had endeared all her coworkers to her so fiercely.

Against her better wishes, Emily's thoughts drifted to picturing Elle in her mind’s eye. Was she blonde? Brunette? Traditionally feminine or with more of an androgynous streak? Did she smile much? Did she have a spark in her eye that irresistibly drew JJ towards her?

Emily cut that thought off as soon as it appeared. Sizing up Elle was one thing, but speculating on her relationship with JJ was another. She didn’t even technically know if they had been dating, though her suspicions suggested strongly that was what Morgan and Reid had been implying. 

“What was Elle like?” she asked Reid.

He looked up from the map he was studying in the passenger seat. “She was… she is a great profiler, and an even better friend.”

“I’m sorry,” Emily said reflexively, though she wasn’t quite sure what she was apologizing for.

“Don’t be. She’ll be back soon.” His voice wavered, as if he wasn’t totally convinced by his own words.

They visited the three other crime scenes, noting that the unsub dumped his victims in well-lit areas where they were likely to be found. Clearly, he wanted others to see what he had done. Besides that, there were no obvious similarities, but Emily took pictures dutifully. Spencer made some markings on his map, though Emily couldn’t discern what they meant, if anything.

Before long, the two of them headed back to the precinct to regroup with the rest of the team. When they arrived, they found that they were the first two back. Reid excused himself to the bathroom while Emily found her way back to the squad room.

JJ was sitting in there, looking over one of the files. Emily made herself a cup of coffee and sat down next to JJ, clearing her throat slightly. JJ startled, and Emily immediately regretted having disturbed her.

“Is there something you need?” JJ asked, not unkindly.

“I just hoped I would have the chance to meet you properly,” Emily responded. “But if you’re busy, I totally understand.”

JJ closed the file.

“No, I could use a break. I’ve been staring at that piece of paper for five minutes, and I haven’t absorbed a word of it,” she admitted, shaking her head. 

“Oh– would you like some coffee?” JJ waved her off.

“In my experience, the taste of precinct coffee is almost never worth the caffeine.” 

Emily took a sip of hers and had to agree that JJ was correct in that regard. It was incredibly stale, the taste lingering in her mouth even after she put the cup down. Her regret was slightly made up for by the small laugh that JJ let out at Emily’s reaction.

“I’m guessing you didn’t spend much time liaising with local police in the Midwest?” Now it was Emily’s turn to be startled.

“Hotch told you?” she guessed.

“He provided some of the details, the FBI database filled in the rest.” Emily didn’t quite know what to make of the fact that JJ had searched her up. She tapped her fingers lightly against the table, trying to think of an appropriate response, but JJ beat her to it. “You’re new to DC, I take it?”

“Just moved in last week.” Against the protests of her mother, who’d wanted Emily to stay with one of her mother’s many friends, Emily had insisted on renting her own place. It was eye-wateringly expensive, but worth it for the independence.

“Well, how about I show you my favorite coffee place? They have cappuccinos so good you won’t even remember drinking that,” she said, gesturing at the cup of coffee that Emily had abandoned.

“I’d love to,” Emily said, hoping her utter excitement didn’t show on her face. 

At that moment, Reid wandered back into the room, cutting their conversation short. He was followed shortly by Morgan. Gideon and Hotch soon joined them as well, completing the group. Emily reluctantly switched herself back into work mode, discussing what she and everyone else had discovered. She quickly found, however, that JJ’s presence beside her made it impossible to shut off the part of her brain that had been desperately wanting JJ to flash that beatific smile at her again and say “ _it’s a date_.”


	3. jj

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warnings in this chapter for canon-typical descriptions of a case, food

They wrapped up the case in Annapolis at around six, having tracked down a man who had, true to Hotch’s prediction, just been released from jail. Spencer was right as well: he’d been arrested for abusing his girlfriend, who had been receiving chemotherapy at the time. Sometimes it was awful how predictable a case could be. So many men felt entitled to project their rage onto any woman who reminded them of someone they felt had wronged them.

Though she’d hoped to have some time to talk with Emily in the car, JJ rode back with Hotch and Gideon. In lieu of conversation, she propped one hand under her chin, rubbing her necklace absentmindedly with the other and letting her thoughts wander as she watched the landscape blur by.

JJ wasn’t quite sure what had possessed her to ask Emily if she wanted to get coffee. It was true that she always tried to be nice, especially to people whose only sin was not being someone else. But it was all she could do these days to get her job done, let alone go out and socialize. Everything seemed to wear on her much more than it had before.

Just last Friday, when Morgan had asked if she wanted to go out for drinks with the rest of the team, JJ had declined without a second thought. So why had Emily Prentiss affected her enough to not only agree to go out, but to suggest it?

If JJ were being less than honest, she’d say it was Emily’s impressive credentials. Women in the FBI were rare enough, and getting a job with the FBI straight out of college was no small feat. Some might attribute it to her mother being an ambassador (another useful fact that JJ had picked up from her file), but something about Emily told JJ that she’d earned everything she’d gotten. She could even call it sizing up Elle’s competition, though she didn’t have any real doubts that Emily was more than qualified for the job. But none of that was the real reason she’d offered.

No, the truth was something much more selfish. The way Emily looked at JJ reminded her what it was like to be cared for. JJ had long since grown used to being the supportive one, and most of the time she enjoyed it. Lately, though, it felt like that was all she had been doing, between her actual work and helping the team knit itself back together and, of course, worrying about Elle. There had been no time for herself.

Emily wasn’t the only one who was concerned about her. JJ knew the rest of the team had taken notice of the change in her behavior; if they hadn’t, she would have seriously questioned their profiling abilities. She had been asked if she was okay more times than she could count, answering each one with a tired smile. The others had accepted her answer, grateful to be able to focus on their own healing. Emily, she sensed, wouldn’t.

Once they arrived back at the office, the others dispersed to their cars, and JJ headed back to her office to finish up the day’s paperwork. She waved goodbye to Emily as she walked towards the elevator, not bothering to try and put on a fake smile.

JJ reached the BAU’s floor and found it mercifully quiet, most of the others having already left for the day. She made her way over to her office, pushing open the unlocked door. That was odd. She could have sworn she had locked it before leaving, out of habit more than anything else. But she had been distracted lately. Most likely, she’d just overlooked it in her hurry. 

JJ didn’t bother flicking on the overhead lights, reaching instead for her desk lamp. She turned it on, and drew her hand back, making contact with a pile of paper that definitely hadn’t been on her desk before. Her breath hitched. The unlocked door could be an accident, but this meant someone had been in her office. Just like– just like– him, only he had invaded so much more than just the physical. 

There was almost no chance the intruder would still be there, but she threw the light switch anyways, casting the room in bright light. Sure enough, there was no one hiding in the shadows. That didn’t stop the shaking.

For the first time in weeks, JJ drew the blinds of her window, letting the light of the bullpen filter in. She wanted to finish this paperwork sooner rather than later, and at least this way she could see anyone who was coming. 

First, though, she inspected the papers on her desk. To her immense relief, she discovered that it was a pile of incoming mail. The guy who brought their mail from Sorting– Peter, she thought his name was, had likely just found her door unlocked and decided to leave it on her desk. JJ took a deep breath, forcing herself to push down the unease.

The mail itself was fairly benign, as far as such things went. All their requests for consultation were handled by email these days, but there were always a few people who sent letters insisting there was a serial killer terrorizing their community. JJ made a point to take these seriously, passing on the few that might have been legitimate to Hotch, but most were nothing more than spam mail.

Hidden near the bottom of the pile was a letter. It was in an envelope, but there was no return address and the note was handwritten on a sheet ripped from a legal pad. It read:

_Agent Jareau,_

_Why couldn’t you save her? I know why. You messed up, but you’ll never admit it. But be warned. Pride goes before a fall._

_A Concerned Parent_

It pained JJ to admit it, but she got these kinds of letters far more than she’d care to admit. As the media liaison, she was the face of the BAU, and try as the team might, they couldn’t save everyone. She had spent many sleepless nights thinking about the ones they’d failed to help. At this point, all the notes did was make her feel that much more guilty.

As far as the notes she had received went, this one was relatively tame. It contained no personal details or anything that would indicate the letter writer had been watching her. Most likely it was a grieving parent, lashing out at the people they had counted on to be the heroes. Still, “pride goes before a fall” sounded enough like a threat that she should probably tell someone about it. JJ made a mental note to talk to Hotch tomorrow; she’d soften it enough that he wouldn’t be overly worried.

Having sorted through the mail, JJ finished the rest of her paperwork as quickly as possible. She packed the papers up and slipped them carefully into her bag, making sure to lock the door this time on her way out. Her walk back towards the elevator was cautious, but no trouble presented itself between her office and her car.

Once she was safely in her car, JJ typed a familiar address into the navigation system. She was tired, but she couldn’t go home just yet. First, she had to drop by Elle’s apartment, a place she swore she spent more waking hours at than her own.

Elle was getting better, at least physically. When she had just come home from the hospital, JJ had been by her side at all hours, changing her dressings and escorting her everywhere. Now she could walk around mostly unaided, and insisted on going for a walk each day. JJ knew it probably hurt worse than Elle let on, stubborn as she was, but the fact that she could withstand the pain for that long gave JJ hope about her true condition.

What really worried JJ was Elle’s mental state. Walk notwithstanding, she spent most of her day in front of the TV, aimlessly flipping channels, and JJ usually had to remind her to eat something other than cereal. She refused to talk about how she was feeling, but when JJ stayed the night, she was invariably woken by thrashing nightmares. In those moments, Elle was willing to accept some measure of comfort, but she’d go right back to being distant the next morning.

JJ tried not to be hurt. She told herself that Elle would react this way with anyone. It wasn’t totally a lie: for all the time JJ had known her, Elle had always been proud to a fault. At first, it had been something to laugh about, the way she’d refuse to let Penelope help her with her computer or insist on standing on her tiptoes to reach the top shelf. Now, it was wearying.

But JJ hadn’t been just anyone– or at least she hoped she hadn’t been. She and Elle had been dating for six months when Elle had been shot. JJ supposed they were still dating now, in fact, but it didn’t feel that way. Her heart still leapt when Elle pressed a kiss to her cheek, but more often it sank when she came by to find Elle in exactly the same place she had been that morning.

The drive to Elle’s was easy, the rush hour traffic having long since subsided. Before long, JJ pulled into the underground parking lot, waving at the attendant, who was more than used to her comings and goings. She parked the car, allowing herself a moment to rest against the steering wheel. Her exhaustion was beginning to catch up to her.

She took the stairs to Elle’s apartment, letting the heavy door slam behind her when she exited the stairwell. Facing the door to Elle’s apartment, she knocked lightly. 

“It’s me,” she called, before pulling out her key. The first time she had used the key after the shooting, Elle had been pointing a knife at her when she entered. JJ had removed it from her trembling hands and promised to always announce herself in the future.

Elle wasn’t lying on the couch, which was unusual in itself. Even more unusual, JJ could smell freshly-cooked food. She closed the door carefully behind her, seeing that the little dining table had been set for two.

As if on cue, Elle appeared from the kitchen, carrying two bowls. She was still wearing her pajamas and definitely favoring one side over the other, but the sight was so like the old Elle that JJ had to blink back sudden tears.

“I made pasta,” Elle said, shrugging. “It isn’t much, but at least I managed not to burn the water this time.”

JJ walked towards Elle and took the bowls from her, setting them on the table and pulling out a chair for Elle. She let her fingers linger on the chair, ghosting over Elle’s shoulders when she sat down before going over to her own chair.

The pasta was simple, just butter and salt, but the mere fact that Elle had felt up to making it was enough. JJ finished eating quickly, more hungry that she had realized.

“So… how was your day?” she asked.

Elle shrugged again, prodding at her dish with her fork. “You know how it is. Woke up, watched soap operas until I was tired again, took a nap, went for a walk, made dinner.”

JJ nodded and found she had nothing to add. Elle would hate her for saying something conciliatory or faux-encouraging, but those platitudes were the only things that came to mind. An uncomfortable silence settled over them, one that had become all too familiar. JJ missed the days when it seemed like they would never run out of things to talk about. At last, Elle put her out of her misery.

“Did you have a case?” Elle put up an impassive front, but JJ could still hear the traces of interest in her voice.

JJ murmured her assent. “We caught the guy.”

“And?” Elle prompted. At first, she hadn’t wanted to know anything about what was going on at the BAU, but she was growing more and more inquisitive these days, all too eager to get back in the field.

“And…” JJ tried to discourage her curiosity whenever possible. Call her overbearing, but she didn’t think it would be good for Elle to go back after her four months were up. Something had changed within her, and as long as Elle refused to recognize that, she couldn’t really make any progress towards healing.

JJ also didn’t feel like talking about Emily. She sensed it would only upset Elle to know that someone new had joined the BAU, and for good reason. Despite Hotch’s assurances, it was evident to JJ that Emily was being sized up as a replacement for Elle. The higher-ups clearly had concerns about Elle’s ability to return to duty. Just because JJ shared those same concerns didn’t mean she wanted Elle’s job taken away from her.

Elle wasn’t deterred. “What was the profile? Was he organized or not? Preferential, random?”

“Pretty organized and definitely preferential.” She reached over for Elle’s empty bowl, trying to finish the conversation, but Elle batted her hand away.

“JJ, I can handle the details. I’m not as breakable as you all seem to be convinced I am. ” Her tone was turning darker, a definite indicator that JJ had upset her. 

“I never said you couldn’t.” Once more, she reached for the bowl, and once more she was rebuffed. This time, Elle grabbed her hand, squeezing it and looking JJ in the eyes.

“Then tell me.” She sounded equal parts angry and sad. JJ sighed heavily.

“Fine. White guy, mid 30s, killed women who reminded him of his girlfriend and shaved their heads because she had cancer. Is that what you wanted?” Elle let go of her hand and JJ grabbed the bowl, stacking it with hers and getting up to go to the kitchen.

After dinner, the two of them sat on the couch in front of the TV. A nature documentary about meerkats was showing on the TV, but neither of them were really watching. Elle curled up into JJ’s side, as much as an apology for upsetting her as JJ was going to get. JJ stroked her hair softly, unable to be upset at Elle. She could feel the weary catching up to her, but forced herself to get off the couch when the program ended.

“I’m going to go home, okay?” She didn’t think it would go well if she stayed over tonight.

“Stay safe,” Elle said, as she always did. They both knew those words were about as useful as an umbrella against an avalanche, but JJ supposed it didn’t hurt to have that wish in the world.

After grabbing her coat, JJ closed the door behind her and entered the empty hallway, feeling exactly as alone as she had for the rest of the evening.

~

It was a full week before she and Emily were able to get enough time off of work to get coffee. In the interim, the rest of the team had started to warm up to Emily, and work had more or less settled back down. JJ still wasn’t sleeping well, but what else was new? At least that meant she really did need the caffeine.

JJ took the subway to Dupont Circle and met Emily outside the coffee shop. Emily was wearing a nice blouse and a leather jacket that framed her figure. JJ felt woefully underdressed in her slightly wrinkled t-shirt; she’d spent the night at Elle’s and overslept, forcing her to pull a random shirt out of Elle’s dresser.

“What’s good here?” Emily asked as they entered. The shop was busy but not too busy, a low hum of conversation surrounding them.

“Anything, really,” JJ said. “I think I told you I liked their cappuccinos, but their coffee is good in general and the baked goods are to die for.”

She felt a bit silly to not have something specific to recommend, but Emily just nodded sincerely, considering the chalkboard menu in front of them. 

They reached the front of the line quickly. JJ ordered a large cappuccino and a croissant, while Emily got a small black coffee and a carefully selected glazed chocolate donut from the display case. Before Emily could think about protesting, JJ gave her credit card to the cashier.

“My treat,” she said firmly.

“Next time, I’m paying.” Emily grabbed their food off the counter and made her way to a table in the corner. JJ followed her, trying not to let it show how happy she was at the idea that this outing was only the first of many.

JJ hung her bag over the back of her chair and sat down. Once Emily followed suit, JJ broke off a piece of her croissant and ate it, luxuriating in the flaky, buttery texture. She probably looked ridiculous, but it was good enough that she didn’t care.

“Good?” Emily asked, laughing slightly.

“So good.” JJ broke off another piece and held it out. “Do you want to try?”

Emily took the piece gently from her fingers. JJ watched as she bit into it, trying not to focus on the way Emily’s lips moved. She was wearing pink lipstick, JJ noted, a pop of color against her pale skin and dark hair. JJ wondered if Emily’s lips would feel waxy under her own; Elle was never much for make-up. She shook herself mentally for that thought and forced herself to look away; those were not thoughts she should be having about a coworker, and this was not a date.

“So good,” Emily confirmed. JJ didn’t look up from her plate, too afraid of what her face might betray. Instead, she stood, knocking her knees against the bottom of the table in her hurry.

“I should go get our drinks.” JJ walked over to the counter and picked up the tray, taking a moment to collect herself before going back to Emily.

This was not a date. She couldn’t deny she was attracted to Emily. Nor could she say that her attraction hadn’t been a reason why she’d offered this not-date in the first place. But, even if there hadn’t been Elle, she was in no mental state to be pursuing something new. 

And, there was Elle. Whatever was currently going on between them, JJ still loved Elle. An infatuation wasn’t going to tear her away. JJ took a deep breath, strengthening her resolve and ignoring the part of her that said Emily would treat her with the care she needed. She could do that as friends, couldn’t she?

When she got back to the table, Emily had finished her donut and was picking at the corners of her napkin. She glanced up as JJ approached, reaching out to help JJ with the tray.

“You good?” The disarming smile was back, the one that made JJ want to spill her every feeling.

“Just tired,” she said reflexively, setting the tray down on the table and taking her coffee.

She stirred it for a moment, though there wasn’t any real need to. When she looked up, Emily was waiting expectantly, as if she somehow knew there was much more to the answer.

“Overworked,” she amended, with a laugh that didn’t quite reach the rest of her face. “It’s been a tough few months, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.”

“If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen. But I understand if you’d rather not,” Emily said, taking a sip of her own coffee.

“Maybe another time. Tell me something about yourself.” As much as JJ needed someone to talk to, a crowded coffee shop was not the place to unload her burdens. She’d much rather enjoy Emily’s company and let herself forget about her worries for an hour or two.

“Okay, well, you’ve already read my file, so I guess I’ll have to dig a little deeper.” With that, Emily launched into a story about the time she had accidentally driven the wrong way on a Paris traffic circle and almost collided with a major government official. JJ nodded in all the right places and gradually found her politeness being turned into real enthusiasm.

When they finished talking, JJ was surprised to find that almost an hour had passed. Emily walked JJ back to the subway, waving goodbye as she descended the long escalator. JJ waved back, but her smile had a tinge of unease to it. Emily was captivating, smart, and surprisingly funny, but JJ couldn’t quite shake the nagging feeling that even wanting her friendship was betraying Elle in some way.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr!](https://jemelle.tumblr.com)


End file.
